


I Can’t, I’m Too Weak...And He’s Too Cute

by piper__b



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Assassin AU, Attempted Murder, Attempted assassination, Blood, Buckley Parents A+ Parenting, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Death is mentioned so many times I began to think I was rewriting Unus Annus, Established Relationship, Feelings emerge, Feels, Finished, Former Assassin!Eddie, Gore, Guns, Hospitals, How do I tag?, I might get arrested cuz of my search history, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, Knives, M/M, Mentions of killing/death, More Death, Multi, Near death expirences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sadness, Secrets, Swearing, Threats, car crash, children are not harmed, everywhere, no beta: we die like my favorite characters, psa: i know nothing of guns or assassins, they fall in love but they don’t realize it, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piper__b/pseuds/piper__b
Summary: Buck had never wanted to be an assassin. Trust me, it wasn’t his preferred job, but he got stuck in it young. His parents had sold him to a company when he was fifteen and they trained him for three years.Buck knows over fifty ways to kill a person and he finds it concerning, but then he just...doesn’t.So, at the ripe age of twenty three, nearly five years after his first kill, Buck was tasked yet again with another kill, just this time...this time was different.“He’s been on the run, but we finally caught him. Take him and his son out. If you do this, we might consider your release.”OR:Buck’s an assassin and he’s been tasked with taking out yet another person, but this times different. This time, Buck falls in love instead.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, the 118 & Eddie Diaz
Comments: 14
Kudos: 69





	1. Meeting and Starting to Catch Feels

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re here from Tumblr, hello, I hope you enjoy this first part and it’s what you’ve been expecting, or better!
> 
> If you’re not, I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> TW: Death and/or killing people is mentioned multiple times! Like repeatedly! So, if that isn't your thing, you might wanna back pedal out of here-

Buck had never wanted to be an assassin. Trust me, it wasn’t his preferred job, but he got stuck in it young. His parents had sold him to a company when he was fifteen and they trained him for three years.

Buck knows over fifty ways to kill a person and he finds it concerning, but then he just...doesn’t.

Buck killed his first person at the age of eighteen, two days after his birthday. It was some rando that owed them money and had been easy enough.

By the time Buck was nineteen, he had killed over thirty people. Cops had been investigating for the first two months then gave up eventually.

Buck wouldn’t be able to exit, unless he wanted to die, and he doesn’t. His boss said if Buck even thought about leaving he should just put a bullet in his own throat.

Buck never asked again.

So, at the ripe age of twenty three, nearly five years after his first kill, Buck was tasked yet again with another kill, just this time...this time was different.

“He’s been on the run, but we finally caught him. Take him and his son out. If you do this, we might consider your release.”

His boss had informed him two days ago. Now, Buck sits atop a building, surveying his target across the street. Buck had never been asked to kill a kid before. He can’t do it.

His target was Eddie Diaz, he used to be an assassin for the company before he went dark one day. They lost him after that. Eddie ran about a year before Buck joined - no, sorry - was forced into the company.

Now, Eddie was in his thirties and had the most adorable kid ever. He couldn’t take the light from that kids eyes by taking the only person he had left (as Buck had killed Eddie’s wife two years earlier. He feels like such a fucking asshole now.) And he sure as hell couldn’t watch Eddie cry over his sons limp body.

The thought makes Buck shiver atop the roof he was sitting on.

He sighs and looks down at Eddie again. He’s not half bad looking either. His brunette hair looked so fluffy from up here, his eyes shined in the dim light of the evening...

Fuck, stop it, Buckley, not now.

He didn’t know if his boss was telling the truth when he said he would be let free if he finished this job. Buck doubted it highly. His form of freedom was a bullet to the forehead, right between his brows.

Buck sighs and slinks off the roof. He doesn’t think he can do this. And he said as much. Later that day. To his boss.

It landed him with a bullet in his bicep.

“You get this job done, Buckley, and Anderson won’t touch her.” He slid a photo across the table as Buck cradled his bicep.

It was a picture of...his older sister, Maddie. Tears welled in his eyes as he saw her, sitting at a desk in an call center, taking a 9-1-1 call. If only she knew where he ended up after she left...oh god. He couldn’t let that happen.

“You must engage with Diaz, but you go near your sister, it’s over, Buckley. Now go get that sewed before you bleed all over my floor.”

Buck left quickly, tears falling as he made it to the infirmary. They patched him up quick enough then he was out again the next day after some fitful sleep. He kept waking up, screaming his throat raw, at the sight of Maddie being killed in front of him.

He might’ve wanted that for his parents, but his big sis who’d do anything for him? Buck can’t allow that to happen.

So, he faked an accident at his apartment. He “fell” down the stairs and had to call 9-1-1. Of course, Maddie answered the call, but it had been so long since she’d seen him, she hadn’t recognized his voice.

Next thing Buck knows, paramedics and firefighters are flooding his room. Eddie is there, and Buck, high on the pain (because he had actually broke his leg), started to flirt.

“Hi, cutie,” he slurred, making direct eye contact with the brunette. The woman currently splinting his leg chuckled a bit and the other paramedic eyed Buck suspiciously.

“Me?” Eddie asks and Buck snorts, as if it’s obvious.

“Of course. D’you think I was flirting with your captain?” He winks at Bobby - he knows all their names from Eddie’s file - then turns back to Eddie as Eddie’s cheeks go red.

“Okay, sir, I’m going to put your leg back into place really quick before we finish the splint, okay?” Henrietta, or Hen, says and Buck nods, a small smile on his lips.

When she cracks it back into place, Buck barely flinches, barely even gasps. He takes it because of all the pain he’s delivered these past years? He should’ve asked Hen to crack it back extra hard. Even break it a little more.

Eddie stares at him a moment before suddenly his eye shift to a different tone. Buck can sense the different vibe off him, but he never learns, so he continues.

“Can I get your number maybe? I could take you out to coffee sometime soon?” There was an underlying message that he knew Eddie would understand. Eddie plays dumb of course - he was once a trained assassin too, y’know - and cocks his head to the side.

“Sir, you are in a compromising situation and not in the right frame of mind. I don’t think I should give you my...number,” the way Eddie hesitated on the last word passed everyone else except Buck. He knew what he meant.

Eddie knew he was coming.

——————

Buck groans as he laid in his bed. He should’ve broke his arm, not his leg. He’s been in his hospital for three days. One of his boss’s messengers came the other day and warned him he did have a time limit, or that Maddie had a time limit.

He’s been on edge ever since.

Suddenly, his door is opened then closed and there’s a knife at his neck. Buck’s breath stutters and he looks up into the dark eyes of Edmundo Diaz.

“He fucking sent you after me, didn’t he?” Eddie doesn’t know his name either then...

“He did.” Buck knew to keep things short and simple. Eddie knew too and pressed the blade closer to his throat.

“Where’s the mic?” He asks and Buck shrugs.

“Not sure. I don’t have one on me, or my bloodied clothes in that bag. A crop is might’ve placed on the other day, though,” Buck says, suddenly feeling as if he could trust this stranger that wasn’t a stranger. Eddie’s eyes flicked between Buck’s, a question obviously stewing, but he stays silent. Slowly, he lowers the blade and sheathes it in a thigh holder in his sweats.

Buck will admit to killing thirty plus people, but never to the fact that he might’ve tried to take a peek at the bulge in Eddie’s boxers.

“Why did he send you?” Eddie asks. Buck gulps at that. Eddie sits in a chair an sighs gently. His relaxed position doing things to Buck currently.

“He said you went dark about nine years ago. He wants you and...and...” Buck can’t get it out, but with the way Eddie stiffens he knows already. “Y’know and I needed a way to get to you because I-I can’t.” Buck hasn’t said these words out loud to anyone but his boss and we all know how that went.

Eddie stares at him for a second.

“How old are you, kid?” Eddie asks and Buck stiffens at the name. He looks at Eddie and pouts a tiny bit. Just because he’s killed doesn’t mean he’s lost all of his childish charm. At least that’s one thing he’s been able to keep.

“‘M not a kid. I’m twenty-three.”

Eddie’s eyes widen, “Jesus.” Eddie rubs a hand over his face and sighs again. “What’s your name?” He asks and Buck eyes him from the corner of his vision.

“Evan, but I go by Buck.” Eddie nods. Then stands.

“Well, Buck, when you get out of the hospital, send a text and I’ll send you an address. We can talk more there, yeah?” Eddie asks as he drops a piece of paper by Buck’s leg.

“Yeah...yeah, okay,” Buck agrees and Eddie smiles.

“And, because I know my team is currently out there, watching us, I gotta play the part, huh?” Eddie asks sun Buck eyes the door quickly. Sure enough, Hen and Howie, or Chimney, are standing outside the door, peering in but not trying to look suspicious.

They were failing terribly.

Eddie leaned down and pecked his cheek. “I will murder you myself if you touch my kid, got it?” Eddie whispers then gives him a smile of all pearly whites then slips out the door. He berates his team members and they walk out together.

Buck already wasn’t going to touch Christopher, and now, with Eddie’s threat looming over his head, he really wasn’t going to touch Christopher.

He also kind of wanted Eddie to threaten him again...it was kind of hot. Buck shakes his head and looks out the door again. No ones there and he sighs.

What the hell is his life?

——————

About a week later, Buck was released from the hospital. He was told to stay off his leg and stay away from all stairs. Of course, he wiped his files from the computer before he left, he couldn’t TK wave behind any tracks, even if he used a fake name. They still had his picture.

That’s not good.

He leaves after that and pulls out his burner phone.

He inputs the number Eddie gives him and looks at the text box.

_Hey, it’s me. Just got released. Where am I going?_

Simple, short, not suspicious.

The text came in two minutes later. An address not too far from the hospital. He heads there on his broken leg and gets there soon enough. He snorts as he sees Eddie sitting on the step.

He looks stressed though and Buck knows something happened. He sits next to Eddie wordlessly.

“Maddie’s your sister, no?” Eddie asks, eyes staying trained on the sidewalk. Shit. Buck tensed and let out a huff of air. He looks at Eddie.

“Yeah.”

“You’re Evan? The one that was there one day then was gone the next? Sold to a company that has been raising you to kill since you were fifteen?” He flinched, but nodded nonetheless.

Eddie sighs and rubs at his face again. Buck noticed how much he does that. Stop it, Buckley, not now.

“Shit, Buck, I can’t have you around my son,” Eddie says simply and Buck nods. He doesn’t take offense to it. He doesn’t even want himself around Christopher.

“I would just report back and say the missions done, but I can’t. Then I’d get killed and who would protect you?” Buck says and Eddie throws him a dirty glare from his side. Buck just shrugs. Eddie sighs and leans off his knees where he elbows had previously been.

“Need a ride home?” Eddie asks instead and Buck nods. So, Eddie drives him home. He’s about to get out when Eddie grips his bicep. Buck winces and pulls away. Eddie eyes stray to his arm and lift the sleeve. Buck doesn't stop him. He sees the bandages and raises and eyebrow.

Buck says nothing.

“Look, it’s not personal-“

“I know. You’re just trying to protect those you love. That’s what I’m trying to do to.” Buck slides out, shuts the door before Eddie can speak then heads inside. He hears the rumble of Eddie truck before he takes off and Buck goes up into the elevator.

He sighs as he looks around the small space. He sees his reflection and he doesn’t see a twenty-three year old man staring back at him.

He sees a tired assassin staring at him who just wants everything to be over with.

Whether that means he never gets to tell Maddie he’s okay, he’s okay with that.

——————

Buck wakes every morning and goes to his hideout across the street from the firehouse. Ever since the night outside Eddie’s house, the other man has been looking up at him.

Whether he knows Buck’s there or not, he doesn’t know. He knows this is the most obvious spot to be, but when it comes to assassins, they don’t expect them to be in the more obvious spot. They expect them to be in more hidden areas.

Well, Buck doesn’t operate that way, and clearly neither does Eddie.

It wasn’t until the third week of watching Eddie that Buck really started to get antsy. He kept getting texts about Maddie from his boss and photos of her at home, at the 9-1-1 call center, at her new boyfriends house, even at the fucking grocery store.

So, Buck decides to do something about it.

“Eddie, can we talk?” Eddie just got off a twelve hour, Christopher was with his great grandmother and great aunt, so Buck had the perfect chance.

“I told you, Buck, no.”

Okay, so maybe Buck had tried to text him multiple times this weeks.

“Eddie, please,” Buck begs and the man throws a glare at him.

“I don’t care, Buck. Go away.”

“Maddie’s on the line,” the words get spit out before Buck even has a chance to stop them. Eddie stops dead in tracks. “And I know you don’t care if I lose my sister, but I know you care about Howie, and he cares about Maddie, so so so much, and I know if he loses Maddie-“

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie growled and Buck shit his mouth, looking up at Eddie. The man is still at the open door frame, one hand holding the door, ready to close. “What do you need me for?” Eddie asks and Buck sighs loudly.

“I need your help. I-I need to stage something, just a lil’ something to get them off Maddie’s back and maybe yours, please,” Buck begs and Eddie looks over his shoulder at Buck. Buck’s on the verge of tears again. God, he’s become so stone cold, why is he sobbing now? He never did before? But then again, his last remaining family members life wasn’t on the line, the last person who could live him was on the verge of death.

Eddie stares at him a minute longer before letting go of the door. He moves inside then makes space for the younger to slide in.

Buck does just that.

——————

Buck’s sitting at the kitchen table while Eddie cracks open two beers.

“So, this...thing with Maddie, what’s going on?” Eddie asks and Buck grabs the clump of photos that he has. He spreads them out. There’s been exactly six photos, all from different view points in her life.

Eddie eyes the pictures carefully and his eyes fall into he one with Chimney and her.

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.” Tears are welling again, but Buck pushes them down. He looks up at Eddie and finds the man staring at him.

“You know why I left right?” Eddie asks and Buck nods.

“Christopher.” Even saying his name felt like a betrayal to Buck, as if he says it one syllable wrong Eddie will drop his body. But the man just nods.

“Shannon, his mother, was killed a few years back by one of his assassins, I could tell by the way she had been murdered.” Buck felt the bile rise in his throat. He remembers that. He remembers being in a car, holding a gun to the window. It was dark, he could barely see, but she was under a street light.

He lined up the pistol, aimed and pulled the trigger. He waited a few seconds, then drove off. He confirmed the kill later that morning.

Buck keeps staring at Eddie though, and nods, no emotion showing in his eyes.

“You know who did it?” Eddie asks, eyes piercing his own. Buck nods again, but refuses to open his mouth. He’ll tell Eddie anything, but not this, never this.

“Some croony, got shot himself the next day,” Buck replies and Eddie nods, seemingly satisfied. The more he looks at Buck though, the more he becomes nervous. Eddie looks away and sips his beer. Buck does the same. Then Eddie sighs.

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep him safe forever. I knew it’d catch up eventually.” Buck feels bad. He doesn’t know why Eddie joined the company, but it had to be a fairly fucked up reason, right?

“How did you join?” Buck asks and Eddie looks at him, more like eyes him suspiciously, as if deciding on whether or not he should give Buck this information. Eddie stares a moment longer then caves.

“My mother, she had a ‘debt’ to them and she couldn’t pay it off, so she offered my sisters as private whores for them,” both men wince at the terms Eddie’s uses, but Buck understands what he means - their boss always likes someone pretty hanging off his arm - “and I didn’t want that because my youngest sister was still a teenager. So, I offered to become a professional hit man for them in place of my sisters. My dad immediately declined, but he loved the deal, so, my sisters were sent to collage while I killed people for a living.”

Eddie gulps, looking like he was disgusted by what he said out loud. Buck knows the feeling.

“Then I met Shannon, got her pregnant and ran away. I got away for nine years - nine fucking years - but it was never enough. I knew they’d find Chris and I eventually, I just wish I had more time with him.”

Buck wants to reach out, he wants to assure Eddie that he won’t touch either of them, but he knows that that isn’t how this was going to go. He would have to take their lives.

Eddie’s quiet again and Buck clears his throat before sipping more beer.

“I should probably get home.” Buck leans up off the chair and gets a crutch under his armpit. Eddie’s arm reaches out, as if to help, then he realizes his mistake and pulls it back.

Buck studies him for a moment. If Eddie can regain his humanity back, then so can Buck.


	2. I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck doesn’t sleep for two nights. He stays up trying to figure out how he can stop the murder of Eddie and Christopher, maybe even his own sister.
> 
> He still has the cast on his leg, so he’s pretty limited on what he could do anyways. It’s his third night of sleeplessness when there’s panicked knocks on his door. He goes quickly and looks through the peep hole. It’s Eddie and Christopher. He immediately opens the door and looks over Eddie.
> 
> His hair is mussed and his clothes are hastily thrown on — a clear indication someone tried to kill him. He ushers Eddie in as quietly as he can - Christopher still being asleep - and points upstairs to the bedroom as he grabs his gun by the door and looks out both ways.
> 
> Or;
> 
> Someone tries to do the job for Buck, seeing as he's been too slow and it leads to figuring out some...feelings and of course meeting his future son...maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from: Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon

Buck doesn’t sleep for two nights. He stays up trying to figure out how he can stop the murder of Eddie and Christopher, maybe even his own sister.

He still has the cast on his leg, so he’s pretty limited on what he could do anyways. It’s his third night of sleeplessness when there’s panicked knocks on his door. He goes quickly and looks through the peep hole. It’s Eddie and Christopher. He immediately opens the door and looks over Eddie.

His hair is mussed and his clothes are hastily thrown on — a clear indication someone tried to kill him. He ushers Eddie in as quietly as he can - Christopher still being asleep - and points upstairs to the bedroom as he grabs his gun by the door and looks out both ways.

Nobody was there and he locked his door quickly, putting a chair under the knob. He had like five locks on the door, but he couldn’t be to careful. He shuts the blinds on his large windows - he had them installed when he moved in here a few years back - and locked every other door he could. Eddie was soon back downstairs, but kept looking upstairs at his son sleeping soundly on Buck’s bed.

Buck leads Eddie a back corner by the living room, but still by the stairs so he could hear Chris’s snuffling in the near-silent apartment.

“I’m sorry. I was cleaning up when I happened to see the van outside my house. I faintly saw a red laser and acted before I could think. You were the only person I knew I could trust and would understand,” Eddie says, looking up the stairs again at Christopher.

“I understand, Eddie. Go up there and stay with him, I’ll keep watch,” Buck says as he nods upstairs. He cocks his Beretta and Eddie eyes it quickly. “It’ll be hidden when you text wake up. Better think of a good cover story, Eddie.”

The man nods then heads up stairs swiftly. Buck notices that even for his speed and over 200 pound weight, he had the footfalls of a mouse.

Buck sighs and looks at the firearm in his hand. He heads back to his island and sits at a stool. He looks upstairs once more and sees Eddie watching him. Eddie nods and Buck knows what that means — _thank you_.

——————

A few hours later, Eddie is waking up and carefully crawling from the big bed. It’s not his - he knows that much - and as he heads for the bathroom across the bed, he remembers the night before.

He uses the bathroom and heads to the top of the stairs. Buck is sitting at the island, fingers tapping restlessly at a computer keyboard. Eddie looks over at the small lump curled under the large comforter.

He had ran here, of all places, last night. To another targets house. To a killer’s house. To a place he doesn’t want Chris at. To _Buck’s house._

Eddie can’t deny the fact that the young blond piques his interest. Eddie’s eyes fall onto Buck again. For a twenty-three year old, he’s fairly buff, not too muscular but enough to fend off attackers and attract a willing subject.

His eyes, though rather dull, still had this pretty blue to them that could light up the world if given the chance.

Fuck, Eddie needs to stop. The last time he left feelings get ahead of him, he lost who he thought was the love of his life.

But the mussed curls atop his head was cute, never really staying down, but maybe they did if he put enough gel in his hair.

And his _thighs_. Holy fuck. Eddie would gladly let himself suffocate between those amazing thighs. Just the feeling of them tightening around his skull as he did dirty things never to be spoke aloud to that round ass...

Yeah, Eddie had to adjust himself in his sweats before he turned to Chris. The boy was still passed out, so Eddie took that as an opportunity. He snuck down the stairs, an old habit he really needs to break, and approaches Buck.

Something must alert him before he spins, a knife hidden against his palm, ready to be unsheathed until he realizes it’s just Eddie. He slides the knife under his sweats and into a holster, just like Eddie had that day in the hospital.

“Do you know who could’ve come after Chris and I last night?” Eddie asks as he studies Buck. He notices how his entire body stiffens then releases before he meets Eddie’s eyes.

“Well, it could’ve been someone in the company with a grudge, or a rando croony that was randomly picked by him,” Buck shrugs and Eddie cusses softly under his breath.

Then they both hear a spring squeak and a small yawn.

“Dad?” Chris mumbles from the stop of the staircase, looking down at Buck and Eddie. Eddie looks at Buck quickly before going to the stairs to retrieve his son.

“Hey, mijo. How’d you sleep?” Eddie asks as if it’s just any other morning. Chris shrugs then looks at Buck.

“Who’s that?” He asks softly, pointing at the man. Eddie can see the moment Buck asks if he should just lie and leave, or actually stay.

Eddie chooses for him.

——————

“This is a friend of mine, mijo. His names Buck.” Buck hides his surprise well, but apparently he was too slow because Eddie threw him a dark glare.

“Hi, Christopher!” Buck replies easily. “I’m Buck. I just got back into town a few nights ago. I ran into your father and we thought it’d be nice to meet up again,” Buck lies easily and Christopher giggles.

“Hi, Buck! I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris!” The wary look Eddie sends his way makes Buck second guess his entire life.

“It’s nice to meet you, Chris.” Buck holds out his hand, both an invitation for Chris and Eddie. Chris giggles - this boy is so fucking adorable - and grabs his slightly larger hand.

He helps Chris up onto a stool and has a hand braces against his back so the boy doesn’t fall. He should really invest in a kitchen table if he makes it out alive.

Eddie asks where stuff is and gets Chris some cereal as Buck closes his computer. When Eddie slides behind him to give Chris his bowl of cereal, he swipes the gun from the back of Buck’s waist band and shoves it in a drawer where Buck can see.

The junk drawer. Good choice. Who was Buck kidding? This was Eddie, a former assassin - he knows where to hide guns. He digs it in under the mounds of random shit - and extra bullets actually - in the drawer then shoot a smile towards them.

It’s beautiful.

And just sitting here, watching as Chris chats excitedly about his day at school yesterday, seeing the pure love and affection on Eddie’s face, bud realizes something. Or a couple somethings.

Chris takes another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and smiles as he chews. In a normal world, Buck would find it disgusting and tell the kid to chew with his mouth closed, but this is the most domestic scene Buck has ever been in since he was fourteen.

Chris chatters on about English and how they read some book Buck had never heard of. His eyes stayed trained on the boy the whole time, watching and trying to follow along, but Buck had never been the greatest in school. He was smart, he just wasn’t the most focused kid in class.

He was kind of glad when he got pulled at fifteen, but looking back now, he should’ve fought harder.

Buck shakes those thoughts from his head when Chris looks over at him.

“What do you do for a living, Buck?” Chris asks and he can see the second Eddie panics, but Chris continues, giving them more time to think of a response, “my dad’s a firefighter!” He cheers happily. Buck smiles.

“I know. I’m proud of him that he got such a great job!” Buck wasn’t entirely lying when he said those words. He was proud that Eddie was able to make it into a better job than what he had. Buck knows he’ll never be able too. “But what do I do? It’s certainly not as exciting as your dads job,” Buck says and Chris rolls his eyes. Eddie does too and Buck can see where he got it from.

“Tell me! Tell me!” Buck had always wanted to be a firefighter, just like Eddie, but of course, never finishing high school and becoming a trained assassin put a kink in his plans. But last night, he had actually been searching for a place that would help him finish his high school career and maybe even go into the academy.

It was a big dream with little time, but he wants to be honest with Chris - Eddie too; it’ll build up trust.

“I don’t have a job yet, buddy. I’m looking to finish my school career and go into the academy to become a firefighter though,” Buck says and the boy’s eyes light up the entire fucking apartment.

It was fucking adorable.

Even Eddie’s eyes widened. And then Eddie’s ushering Chris to put away his bowl in the sink and Eddie promises to wash it - Buck just waves him off. Then Eddie is coming back and holding his elbow. Chris is throughly distracted with the TV playing in front of him, so Buck looks away from the small boy.

“Is what you told him true?” Eddie asks, eyes holding a certain amount of pity in them for Buck. Buck can only nod.

“I never graduated. Never had the chance.” The last bit could could one way or another. Either he had no chance to finish, or they never let him. He can see the pity grow in Eddie’s eyes and he has to look away from the chocolate brown pools.

His chest fluttered though. This is the closest Eddie’s been voluntarily. Buck intends to soak it up - and that right there scares him. He gulps. He hasn’t felt this way since he laid eyes on a boy his freshman year of high school.

He was beautiful and Buck even got to kiss him then Buck just up and disappeared on him. Buck wonders where he is now.

Buck looks back to Eddie’s intense gaze and there’s something swimming in them that scares Buck entirely. Then Eddie is moving back.

“Move that gun.” Then he’s back in the living room with his son. As Buck slides the gun from the drawer and back into his pants, he watches Eddie and Chris. He sees how gentle Eddie is with his son, he watches how both of their smiles seem to light up his apartment as he moves the gun to a cannier under the sink. He has a safe down here and he opens it quickly, sliding the gun in then locking it shut.

He looks up and sees Eddie looking at him. Buck’s tempted to sit at the counter and get back to searching when Eddie nods his head slightly.

Buck wanders over with one crutch and sits on Chris’s right side, his father on his left. They all watch TV together and Chris basically explains the show to Buck - because he had never seen a minute of TV in his life - and Eddie is actually smiling the entire time, instead of his usual scowl.

Buck assumes it’s because of Chris.

And when Buck does actually finally fall asleep, Eddie is gently carding his fingers through Buck’s hair and Chris is cuddled into his side.

Oh, and those two things Buck realized? 1. He could t go through with his boss’s plan. And 2?

He’s in love with Eddie Diaz.

——————

Buck wakes later that afternoon to a plate of food on the coffee table, a shower running somewhere and Chris next to him, eating food and watching TV.

“Hey, buddy,” Buck croaks and Chris perks when he turns to Buck.

“Hi, Buck! Dad went to go take a shower. He hopes it’s okay,” Chris says and Buck nods.

“Of course, buddy. Whatcha watching?” Buck asks, eyes turning towards the TV. Some kids  
cartoon is playing and before Chris gets the chance, Eddie is leaning over the railing.

“Buck..?” He asks down and Buck looks up at Eddie.

“Wassup?” Buck says back up. It’s nonchalant, it’s as if they’ve been friends for years, as if Buck hadn’t been sent to kill Eddie two weeks ago.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” He asks and Buck nods.

“Yeah, go head. Shirts are in the closet, pants in the fourth drawer.” He turns his attention to the TV screen and watches as some characters run around to solve some sort of mystery.

Eddie’s soon coming downstairs in a pair of Buck’s sweats that are a little too long on his legs, but fit nonetheless. And he’s wearing a...is that one of Buck’s high school shirts? He can clearly see his last name printed along the back in big letters and the high school mascot underneath it.

A wave of emotions Buck hasn’t felt in years washes over him and he suddenly feels suffocated. Like he’s drowning in memories. Image after image of what his life had been, things he pushed down, were popping up. He remembers trying out for the football team and getting on, he remembers getting his first boyfriend and his first kiss under an old oak on campus, how he was getting ready to leave behind freshman year and start sophomore year when he got sold off like a piece of clothing.

Buck pulls his eyes from Eddie as he tries to control his breathing, try to hide away his happiness, his guilt, his pain. All of it. In his special box. The one in his brain and under his bed. The memories he shall never touch again because there’s no point. He’s never going back.

And that is deathly apparent now.

Eddie soon joins them back on the bed and curls up next to Chris. Buck excuses himself to the bathroom downstairs and pisses before he stares at himself the mirror.

His curly blond hair is everywhere, his clothes are rumpled, his eyes look so grey and...old in a way, there’s crease lines around his eyebrows and mouth.

He sighs and goes to exit the bathroom when he sees a piece of paper in the door of his sink. He opens it and it’s...it’s a note.

_Boss wants you to come in, check in, tell him your...progress. 06/24, 10pm._

Buck swears to himself softly because that’s today. And it’s mid-evening.

He has to talk to Eddie, and soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, come scream at me on tumblr, my account is pipermarieb.  
> I'm not sure how many part there will be, but I think there will only be one after this one so stay tuned for next week!


	3. I Think I'm In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, he’s smiling at his phone. Who’s the date, Eddie?” Chimney asks and Eddie is slightly startled, shutting his phone off quickly. That gets him eye brow raises. He gulps and gives them a sheepish smile.
> 
> “Who’s the lady, Eds?” Chimney asks this time and Eddie finds himself paling at the thought of loving another woman. He could love another man, he has no baggage there, but another woman? After he still loves Shannon? Yeah, nice try.
> 
> “Heh, about that..” Eddie rubs the back of his neck. Why was he getting so nervous about this? He didn’t actually have a crush on Buck did he? No. He just met him last week. He broke his leg to get Eddie’s attention. He’s assigned to kill him and his son. If he doesn’t, he loses his sister and Eddie knows his chances against Maddie.
> 
> There are no chances. The only reason Buck hasn’t killed them yet is Christopher. Has to be, right? Right?
> 
> “Ooooo! It’s a boy!” Hen squeals and leans forward, much more enthusiastic in this conversation than before. Eddie flushes again and fidgets with the side of his phone. It buzzes again and he sneaks a glance at it.
> 
> OR;
> 
> Things and plans change and maybe it's time the boys act on their feelings...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: I Think I'm In Love by Eddie Money

“Hey, Eds?” The nickname is so foreign, but familiar when Buck calls out from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” He asks back, looking over his shoulder.

“Can you c’mere real quick?” Buck asks as Eddie turns his head more to spot the man in the doorway. There’s a ball of crumpled paper in his fist and his skin is awfully pale.

“I’ll be back, bud. Buck needs some help.” The kid nods and Eddie smiles fondly. He kisses his head before getting up and heading to Buck. The door closes, but not all the way so Eddie can keep an eye on Chris.

“What’s-“ the paper is shoved into his chest and Eddie reads it. His heart skips a beat and Buck chews his lip nervously.

“What do I tell him, Eddie? I’ve made little progress in...y’know, so..?” Buck looks absolutely terrified - Eddie understands why. He had been too when he was assigned Shannon nine years ago.

Eddie tries to remember what he told him when he had to kill her. He couldn’t remember because he had pushed it away. Actually, when he asked Eddie to check in, that’s when he found out about Chris and had ran away.

He couldn’t do that to this young man and his son...again.

“I don’t know. I ran when he asked for a check in with Shannon,” Eddie pauses and shoots a quick look to the living room. Chris is still giggling and engaged in his show.

Buck’s breath hitches and Eddie turns back to him.

“But if I run, I lose Maddie.”

Eddie’s heart sunk to the core of the Earth. Maddie. Unlike Eddie, Buck actually had something to lose this time. Eddie watches as Buck’s eyes drop to the sink, to the paper in Eddie’s hands, to the floor before finally going back up and meeting Eddie’s.

The pure grief, anger, and fear in Buck’s eyes scare Eddie because it makes something inside Eddie snap. He reaches forward, slowly of course, and brushes his hand against Buck’s cheek, asking if he wants Eddie to comfort him.

Buck leans into the brush of a touch and Eddie cups his cheek. Buck’s eyes close and his breathing slows slightly.

“We’ll figure it out, Buck, okay?” Eddie whispers and Buck nods, eyes still closed, one crutch under one arm, cheek leaning into Eddie’s palm. Eddie shoots another look into the living room and sees Chris still watching his show.

He turns back to Buck and is slightly startled by the blue eyes on him. Well, sort of blue. They’re dull. But something sparks in them now and Eddie distantly thinks he can feel Shannon urging him to do something, but Eddie just backs up a bit and nods to Buck.

The younger man nods and moves away on his own. A part of Eddie hopes that one day him and Buck’ll be to the stage where they could hug.

But that hope gets killed before it can bloom too much. There’s no way it’ll happen. Hell, Eddie doesn’t even know if he’s going to ask up tomorrow.

He hopes he does because when Eddie witnesses Buck’s great smile when Chris starts ranting about his class, Eddie’s awestruck and he wants to see more and more of it. He wants to hear more of Buck’s laughs intermingling with Christopher’s giggles, even if it’s dangerous to even have them within a mile radius of each other.

Eddie wants another person in his boat again. But the chances are slim. He’ll be surprised if he lives to the end of this week.

And it’d be a miracle for them to actually have something akin to a friendship.

Absolutely impossible to have anything more in this world.

And Eddie’s okay with this revelation as he sits on Chris’ other side and starts to talk with them both.

Maybe him and Buck make eye contact over Christopher’s head every now and then, but it won’t matter much anyway. So, Eddie just pulls the two boys closer to him and tries to forget about their situation.

He does.

Until the sun starts to set.

——————

Buck sets out and drives to where he knows his boss will be. It’s and abandoned warehouse and he parks his Jeep outside. He jumps out and shuts the door, leaning on a crutch. The dark building looms over him and Buck feels a dark emotion curl in his gut.

He goes in and as soon as the door shuts, his watch clinks, alerting him that it’s ten o’clock now.

“Well, I see you did a number on yourself,” his deep voice crawls over the dark space. It makes Buck shiver.

“Had to get his attention some how, right?” Buck answers back, willing his voice to not shake and give him away.

“Right.” There’s a light in the back and there she is. Maddie.

She’s tied to a chair, more focused on her restraints than the blue eyes watching her intently.

“Had her here for a few hours. Figured this’ll be enough motivation to hurry it up,” he says. That’s when Maddie looks up. Her eyes scan over the dark figure looming. “Go on, go into the light.”

Buck takes a careful step forward. Maddie can definitely see his face now, but she still looks confused. He wants to cry. She has a cut above her left eyebrow and looks like she’s been crying for a few hours.

“What did you do to her?” Buck asks, not masking the shake this time.

“Oh, she’s a mean one. Had to rough her up a bit before she complied.” Buck rakes another step forward, more into the light.

“You’re the one who broke his leg,” she says gently, noticing the cast.

“Yup.” He looks over his older sister. “You don’t remember me, do you?” He asks and watches as his sister goes from confused to tense and scared in a few seconds.

“Are you one of Doug’s friends?” She asks, voice taking on a defensive tone. Buck immediately feels sick. He knows Doug. He had been one before them too, but actually got out because he still killed on the side.

He had been married to his sister. That’s how Buck found his info about him. Doug was a ruthless and psychotic man. He scared Buck.

“No! Oh, god no!”

“No, he’s not one of Buck’s friends, but he worked with him,” his boss adds gleefully and Buck wants to throw up. Maddie becomes scared again, eyeing Buck’s body, as if trying to find a weapon.

So, she did know about his job.

“Buck? Wait-“ some sort of recognition filled her eyes and she say forward more. “Evan?”

And that’s what did it. Buck broke down. Tears ran down his cheeks and he spun on his foot and crutches. No, he couldn’t do this to her. Not Maddie.

“If you don’t finish the job in two days, you get to watch her suffer in that exact chair.” Then he heard rumbles and Maddie’s cries. _Two days?!_

“Evan?! Evan! Wait, please! You don’t have to follow him! Please! We can run away together!” Her cries drowned out, but Buck hear her screaming for him, for him to stop these bad people.

But Buck couldn’t run away. He couldn’t get away with it like Eddie or Doug did, he couldn’t put anyone he lives at risk. And before this, he had thought it had just been Maddie who he’d love.

But as he gets in his car, replaying Maddie’s words over and over, he found he couldn’t leave behind Eddie and Chris. And Eddie already made it clear that he wasn’t putting Chris through anymore running.

Buck understands, but he sits in his car, staring at his steering wheel. What had he done? Why didn’t he just have them kill him when he got there? They had given him the chance. He could’ve ended this all eight years ago.

But without him, would Eddie and his son already be dead? Would Shannon be dead? Would Buck have to _lie_ his way through life?

Buck shakes his head and puts his car in drive before pulling out and heading back home. What was he supposed to do? He gets home and sees Eddie and Chris gone. He thinks it’s for the best anyway.

There’s a note on the fridge.

_Figured it might be safe to go home, see you later, Buck. I’ll be in touch._   
_-E_

Underneath Eddie’s scribbly handwriting is a smiley face and a heart in crayon, clearly from Christopher and Buck starts crying again, tucking the note away in a drawer. He sighs and sits on the picked up couch.

He stares at the black television. How was he supposed to do this? Buck looks out at the darkening sky of L.A.

He found himself praying that nothing would happen to any of the three. They were too important to him already.

Buck sighs and lets his head fall back against the couch, eyes squeezing shut as he wills back the tears. How could he have done this for some many years?

_A. You didn’t fall in love with your mark, B. You didn’t have to kill an innocent kid._

Just the thought of Chris sends another flurry of tears to Buck’s eyes. He lets them fall.

God, cant he just end it all right now? Why did his boss have to do this? Why couldn’t he just let Eddie and Chris go?

Buck falls asleep right there, thinking about Eddie and Chris and how he was supposed to kill a man he had fallen in love with.

——————

_**Two days. That’s all we have.** _

Eddie gets the text the next morning at eight am. He chokes on his coffee at the station and his teammates all turn to him.

“You okay, man? You’ve been off these past few days,” Hen says to him, sliding into the chair next to him. He shuts off his phone and sets it down. Eddie nods.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Eddie smiles at them all. None of them know that Eddie was previously an assassin, they only knew that he struggled to find a job while he was with his wife who then died in an accident one day and that’s when Eddie moved to California with his son.

He hated lying to them all, but he couldn’t let them know, even if he was dead in two days. They don’t seem convinced and his captain, Bobby, says as much.

“Having troubles at home, Eds?” Bobby asks and Eddie shrugs softly. A plate of food in set in front of him and Eddie clears his throat. Everyone sits down and digs in. Just the thought of his impending doom in two days makes his appetite slim.

_But Chris will also go too in two days._

Eddie feels the bile rise in his throat and he really doesn’t want to eat, but he can tell the others are watching him, testing the waters.

He takes sips of his coffee before picking up his fork and eating some of the food on the plate. It seems to shrug his teammates off and they begin to talk about family plans this weekend and Eddie doesn’t think he can stand much more of them talking about meeting up with each other and letting the kids hang out considering his own might not be there anymore.

He shoves down the thoughts and picks up his phone.

 _Think we could take our deaths and move on?_ It’s meant as a joke, but he doesn’t know if Buck will get it.

He gets back two laughing emoji’s. Then a text that has Eddie’s insides fluttering without his permission.

**_How’s Chris?_ **

Despite wanting to keep Buck away from his son, Buck has somehow managed to crawl his way into his life and his heart, breaking down walls that he built up so steadily after Shannon’s death.

“Okay, he’s smiling at his phone. Who’s the date, Eddie?” Chimney asks and Eddie is slightly startled, shutting his phone off quickly. That gets him eye brow raises. He gulps and gives them a sheepish smile.

“No date. Just thinking about Chris.” Eddie tries to play off. Hen scoffs and sits back in her chair.

“Really? Hmmm, that was a different smile. I know your Christopher smile and that’s not it. Cough it up, Diaz,” she gives him a demanding motherly tone that leaves no room for debate and Eddie suddenly thinks of fleeing. “Don’t even think about excusing yourself.”

_Dammit._

“Who’s the lady, Eds?” Chimney asks this time and Eddie finds himself paling at the thought of loving another woman. He could love another man, he has no baggage there, but another woman? After he still loves Shannon? Yeah, nice try.

“Heh, about that..” Eddie rubs the back of his neck. Why was he getting so nervous about this? He didn’t actually have a crush on Buck did he? No. He just met him last week. He broke his leg to get Eddie’s attention. He’s assigned to kill him and his son. If he doesn’t, he loses his sister and Eddie knows his chances against Maddie.

There are no chances. The only reason Buck hasn’t killed them yet is Christopher. Has to be, right? Right?

“Ooooo! It’s a boy!” Hen squeals and leans forward, much more enthusiastic in this conversation than before. Eddie flushes again and fidgets with the side of his phone. It buzzes again and he sneaks a glance at it.

**_Sorry if I overstepped, just wanted to check in, ttyl_ **

Oh no. No no no no. Eddie turns his phone over and unlocks it.

“Hold on,” he says quickly, typing as fast he can.

_No no. Chris is doing good. He asked about seeing you again this morning._

He remembers Chris’s smile as he asked about seeing _‘his Buck’_ again at some point in the future. Then he remembers his team.

_My team started to harass me and I couldn’t respond, sorry_

Eddie turns his attention to his teammates and find them staring at him again.

“What’s his name?” Bobby asks this time and Eddie stares at the plate of food. Chimney and Hen have resumed eating again and Eddie coughs gently.

“Buck,” he leaves it at that, nothing further to give them. He knows much more about Buck, he had learned them when he was leaving, but he didn’t want to share that information.

“That dude who broke his leg? The one who’s cheek you kissed?” Chimney says through a mouthful of food and Eddie flushes again. He remembers when he kisses Buck’s cheek in the hospital. It was slightly stubbly from not being shaved in a little while and warm and it made his stomach flutter.

Just thinking about it brought back those damned things. Eddie nods, looking back at his phone as it vibrated in his hands.

**_o ok. don’t say too much about me ;P_ **

How did he know?

_Not a chance_

He smiled again and noticed the raised eyebrows again.

“Huh. Moving fast over there?” Hen asks and Eddie kicks her under the table. “I’m just saying, you’re making hard heart eyes at your screen right now.”

“I am not,” he defends and Hen snorts. Chimney nods with her.

“You definitely were.” Eddie looks to Bobby for help and the older man just shrugs with a smile and shovels some food in his mouth. Eddie shakes his head.

No. He doesn’t have a crush on this man that he met last week. Not even close. Nuh uh.

“Eds, stop it. You have a crush, just sink into it. Kiss him, take him on a date, he was clearly into you,” Hen says and Eddie scowls. “I’m just saying.” She raises her hands before eating more of her own food. Eddie feels hungry again so he eats some food, thinking while he chews.

Well, Buck was his first thought the night he saw the van. His chest had fluttered at being able to wear some of his clothes the next day. His chest had fluttered at the sight of Buck and Chris having so much fun and laughing together. His chest had fluttered at the pure care in Buck’s eyes as he watched over Chris. His chest had fluttered when he had barely touched his cheek - then intensified as he was able to cup his cheek and stare into his eyes.

God, maybe Eddie was falling for the young man. And that alone scared the shit out of him.

“I’m scared to fall for him is the thing,” Eddie says suddenly and Bobby smiles sadly at him.

“What happened to Shannon wasn’t your fault, Eds, accidents happen. Just seeing you text Buck let’s me know you’re already starting to fall for him. Just let yourself fall, it’ll be okay,” Bobby says but he doesn’t realize Shannon isn’t the reason why he’s afraid to fall for him.

It’s the fact that he might not be able to keep him. That’s what scares him. Eddie nods anyway, goes along with that and continues to eat. But he feels there’s a blockage between him and Buck, something that will ruin them if said between them and that’s scary also.

But maybe he should try this thing between them.

Maybe, just maybe he could try. He’ll talk it over with Buck tonight maybe.

_Two days._

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, my tumblr is pipermarieb and kudos/comments are what motivate me to write and give me validation :,)  
> ALSO: I might change chapter titles later


	4. And Even When You're Movin' On, I Hope You Know That I'll Be There For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you, Eddie, I swear I fucking do. I would give everything for you, but I lied to you, Eddie. I know who killed Shannon,” Buck sucks in a breath and drops his eyes, “I killed her, Eddie.” It’s quiet, a barely-there whisper that Buck’s sure Eddie didn’t pick up, but then there’s a gasp beside him and it goes silent. Buck feels the tears well up as he stares at his coffee table.
> 
> OR;
> 
> Eddie finds out about who really killed his late-wife and things take deadly, and heart-breaking turns in the final chapter of this fic. (not sure why I decided to go for a TV show person for this, but we'll go with it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part in my assassin AU! I really hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Be on the lookout for anymore fics as I start to get back into writing :D:  
> My tumblr is pipermarieb so come yell at me about Teen Wolf, Stranger Things, Pacific Rim, or 9-1-1!

Buck wasn’t expecting Eddie to show up at his house at nine o’clock that night. He hadn’t expected Eddie to pace around his kitchen like a caged animal.

But he was, so, Buck asked why.

“What’re you doing?” Buck asks as Eddie stills and stares at the floor for a second.

“We need to talk about something,” Eddie says and Buck nods gently.

“What’s up?” He’s sitting in the couch, Eddie’s pacing the kitchen. Buck pats the seat next to him and Eddie stares at it for a long moment. Buck can see the inner turmoil and prepares himself for the worse.

Then, Eddie sits next to him, and eyes him from the side.

“Buck...I-I-“ Eddie cuts himself off, trying to figure out which words he wants to use, trying to order them. Buck’s been there so he just sits there, lets him think. Eddie keeps opening his mouth and closing it. Then he finally finds his words.

“You remember when I told you my teammates were harassing me this morning?” Eddie asks and Buck nods. He does. Oh no. Did Buck have to flee and hide in the far corner of the Earth? Did they want to meet Buck? “Well, they, uhm, they brought some information to light...” Buck pales and Eddie seems to catch on to him.

“Not about you, or your job! Well, yes, about you, but nothing to do with your job!” Eddie corrects quickly and Buck nods, relaxing a bit, but still being wary. Eddie sighs.

Buck can see he’s trying to find the words, but clearly Eddie’s not good with words because he’s just kind of scowling now at Buck’s floor. Then he speaks again.

“Can I...I wanna try something,” Eddie says and Buck can hear the ‘because I can’t say this properly.’ He’s been there so with a bit of hesitance, he nods. Eddie looks him in the eyes for a minute. In that minute, Buck realizes what he wants to do.

And he’s _scared_.

But then Eddie’s leaning in, hands resting on the couch between them. For a split second, Eddie stops and Buck thinks about bolting but he wants this; he wants Eddie. He wants this with Eddie.

He’s never wanted anything more than to be with Eddie and Chris. He wants to be able to protect both of these humans. He wants to take care of them, not hurt them. And Buck never thought this would come. He thought there’d be too much space, to much hurt between him and Eddie.

Buck remembers Shannon and that’s what makes him pulls away suddenly, scooting away. Eddie looks mildly hurt, but pulls back too.

He can’t keep it in anymore.

“Eddie, there’s something I have to tell you and I know you’ll hate me after and that’s okay. I’ll understand. I’ll just go to my boss and tell him I can’t do the job after and let someone else come along and they’ll do what I can’t and it’ll be fine-“

“Buck, spit it out,” Eddie says, tone hard and cold and Buck wants to cry again.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” Buck says and looks at the coffee table. He doesn’t want to do this, but Buck can lie about a lot of stuff - he has lied about a lot of stuff - but this, this he can’t lie about, not any more.

“What’s going on?” Eddie asks and Buck looks up, meeting Eddie’s eyes. They’re cold, blocked off again and Buck wants to see the warmth and love in them again, but he won’t be able to, not after this.

“I want you, Eddie, I swear I fucking do. I would give everything for you, but I lied to you, Eddie. I know who killed Shannon,” Buck sucks in a breath and drops his eyes, “I killed her, Eddie.” It’s quiet, a barely-there whisper that Buck’s sure Eddie didn’t pick up, but then there’s a gasp beside him and it goes silent. Buck feels the tears well up as he stares at his coffee table.

_Goodbye, Christopher._   
_Goodbye, Maddie._   
_Goodbye, Eddie._

It’s silent and Buck doesn’t dare look up. He feels Eddie stand and hears him walk away from the couch. Buck doesn’t let himself break down until he hears the latch of the door switch click shut.

Buck full on sobs now. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't he just be happy for once?

——————

Eddie stands outside Buck‘s door, tears falling down his cheeks, fists clenched, body shaking with his rage. He heads down to his truck and slides into the front seat. He stares at his steering wheel.

Buck had killed his wife? _He_ had taken Shannon out a couple years ago? He punches his steering wheel out of rage, but it dissolves - slightly. Buck had been forced to kill all of those people hadn’t he? They dangled his sister over his head just like they had Eddie’s sisters. And if he’s being really truthful, the night Shannon was killed, Eddie had wanted to meet up to discuss a divorce.

Him and Shannon just hadn’t been working out, they both could see it and Chris was still relatively young, so it would make the separation just a bit easier.

Eddie looks up to the building again. He shoves the key in the ignition and turns it over, reaching for the gear stick in his truck. He stops for a moment, staring at his gas gauge in front of him.

He’s been in Buck’s place before, hasn’t he? - taking a persons life then having to take the significant others life, but he hadn’t quite fallen in love with the significant other like Buck had.

But even with this, Eddie feels a rage burn inside of him. Why? He doesn’t really know. Maybe it was the fact his wife was killed and the killer had shamelessly lied about it?

Though, Buck was on the verge of tears as he left, maybe not so shamelessly.

Eddie shifts gears from park to reverse and pulls out of the parking lot. Buck was a killer, that’s all there is to it. Buck had a chance to walk away from it young, but he didn’t did he? Even before his sister was being threatened.

Eddie would’ve too, but until his sisters were out of the fire, he couldn’t let that happen. So, he killed, but he had never left a partner alone. Buck should’ve just taken Eddie that night too.

Eddie would’ve liked it better than where he sits right now.

His love for Buck is beating painfully in his chest, but his rage for Shannon over powers it so easily that Eddie never talks, or sees Buck for the remaining two days.

He ignores every text - even if there is only three of them - and ignores every pry about Buck at work and ignores every time Chris asks about seeing him.

He tells them all the lie he knows will work - _he left town and won’t be back any time in the future. We didn’t think long distance would work._

Chris yelled at him once for letting Buck just run away, but never complained after. Eddie had beat himself up about it that night after.

**Hey, Eddie. I’m sorry I dropped that bomb on you. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to lose you, but clearly that never works out for me. Anyway, I’ll be turning in myself soon enough, goodbye. Tell Chris goodbye for me too.**

**Hey, Eddie. You probably don’t even see these, but in case you do, please watch Maddie for me, thanks**

**This is the last one. I’m about to head to the warehouse. You probably don’t care and I’m sorry we couldn’t work through this more. Goodbye, Eddie. In the next life.**

Eddie had seen the last one and read it three times before he was reaching for his pistol and trying to aim at the intruders in his house. He knew who they were, he knew what they wanted.

He tried to keep them from Chris’s room as long as he could, but ended up getting shot with a tranquilizer and losing consciousness, therefore losing Christopher.

_Damn, feelings._

——————

Eddie wakes tied to a chair, Maddie to one side and Chris on his other. Chris is still asleep and Maddie is crying in her chair. Eddie struggles in his restraints, twisting his wrists and ankles in his binds.

“Eddie! Oh, thank god!” She says when he turns to her. She sniffles and looks over to a chair. On it sits no one other than Evan Buckley himself. He looks tired and Eddie almost thought he was dead until he shifted in his chair.

“Evan! You can stop this!” Maddie yells and Eddie knows it’s useless. Buck scoffs.

“Yeah, sure. Just like you stopped mom and dad.” His tone is icy and it makes Eddie shiver in a way he hasn’t in years. He knows that tone, he knows Buck’s accepted his fate.

“Evan-“

“It’s Buck-“

“You know I couldn’t do anything!” Maddie cries and Buck laughs softly, but it isn’t nice, it isn’t the giggle he shared with Chris that morning in his apartment.

Eddie wishes this would just hurry up.

“Eddie, do something, please!” Maddie says and Eddie just shrugs. Then there’s a small voice to his left.

“Bucky?” Eddie turns and sees Chris has woken up and he looks scared. Buck sits up in his chair, barely eyes a dark corner before standing from the chair and moving towards Chris. Eddie bristles as he watches Buck approach. Buck sends Eddie smile before picking up the small boy, holding him gently in his arms.

“Hey, bubba,” Buck says, his tone taking on that soft edge that Eddie had heard that morning. A part of him wishes he could hear it forever, that he wasn’t in his position of mistrust with Buck.

“Where are we? Why is daddy tied up?” Chris asks and Eddie can see Buck wince gently while holding him. He can see the pain that is shown in Buck’s body language.

“Don’t worry about it, bubba. I’ll explain it later, I promise,” Buck says softly, rubbing Chris’ back.

“Sure you will, Buckley.”

Just the voice makes goosebumps fly over Eddie’s tanned skin. It’s dark, menacing, and honestly? Scary, in Eddie’s opinion. He might have seen a lot of shit in his life, but this? This scares him more than any fire or mission.

“Shut up.” It’s a growl. Eddie gets another shiver from just hearing it. That’s Buck’s voice. It’s not like _his_. He can see Chris curl in closer to Buck’s larger build and his heart aches for the small boy. He wants to reach out, he wants to comfort his son, the _one person_ he’s supposed to _protect_.

“Buckley, set the kid down.”

“Not a chance. He’s too vulnerable.”

“ _Buckley_.” It’s a command, Eddie knows it is. He’s heard that _Diaz_. once too many times before. But Buck doesn’t set Chris down. He fights back every instinct to let the kid go, Eddie can tell.

“Bite me.”

“I won’t, but I’ll make sure I add it to the list.”

“Good.” It goes silent and dark. There’s an edge to Buck’s voice that Eddie’s never heard before (then again, he only knew the kid for all of like three weeks). All Eddie could hear was Maddie’s sniffles and labored breathing, Chris’s small whimpers, his own heartbeat, and Buck’s quiet whispers to Chris. His eyes stayed trained on Christopher and Buck.

“So, you all know why you’re here, correct?” Boss asks and Eddie nods, he thinks Maddie did too, but it’s too dark. “Buck failed his job on his own, so, now he’s going to do it here, where I force him.”

Chris whimpers again and Eddie struggles against his restraints even more now.

“Stop.” It’s Buck’s voice. It’s directed at Eddie. He struggles more. His wrists are burning and his ankles are probably even worse, but this is for _Christopher_.

Then there’s a hand on his shoulder, large and warm and almost...comforting. Until he remembers the amount of blood that must’ve been on that one hand alone. Eddie stops moving because he can feel Chris’s leg brush his bicep. He wants fight, he wants to get out. He wants to get to son, but he can’t — _he fucking can’t and he’s failing his own damn son._

“What-What do you mean?” Maddie asks, her voice quivering as she also struggles against her restraints. Her movements are jerky - uncoordinated - a totally opposite to Eddie’s

“Buck here was tasked with killing Eddie and Christopher, but he couldn’t pull through. Why? Because, he fell for the mark, he’d rather die than let them be killed.”

Maddie’s turns to them - where did that light come from in the corner? - and stares at her brother and friend. Eddie looks up at Chris while Buck looks away from the three of them. He won’t meet Eddie’s eyes, and he won’t look at Christopher either. He can feel Maddie’s eye contact next to him, but he’s focused on assessing Chris and making sure he’s okay. But Eddie can feel it.

 _Here it comes_ , Eddie can feel the tense air around them. He knows what’s about to happen. And all he wants to do is curl Chris into his arms and sing him to sleep, to try and save him from the monster he’s about to see in Buck, and himself. He wants to shelter Christopher from this world like he has for the past nine years.

Buck finally makes eye contact with Eddie for a split moment. His eyes are filled with tears, but Buck understands. He always knew Chris came first. He nods briefly before setting Chris down in his chair again. Eddie reaches a pinky out and Chris connects them while Buck’s ties Chris’s midsection to the chair.

“What’re you doing, Bucky?” Chris asks when Buck finishes and Eddie can see the tears start to drop down his cheeks. He hates the look. Eddie wants nothing more than to shield these two boys. Buck was forced into this and it’s clear he can’t take it anymore. He looks like he’s on the edge of death and life, but Eddie knew Buck wasn’t going to die until either Eddie and Chris were safe, or dead themselves. The thought made Eddie shiver again.

“Didn’t I tell you not to worry about it?” He knows Buck tried for stern, but it came out weak, tear-strained. He kisses Chris’s forehead and nose. Eddie really knew then. This was it.

And for some reason, he was ready for it, he was okay with it. But when he spotted Buck crying and Chris calling out to him as Buck picked up the Ruger Mark IV next to him on the table, Eddie was suddenly hit with an intense fear. Not for himself, no. For Christopher, for his son to see his father die and then himself.

For Buck, because he will become something he can never come back from, something that he doesn’t _deserve_.

——————

Buck didn’t want to do this. He could see the tears already streaming down his sisters and Christopher’s faces, but Eddie was just staring at him. Eddie was stone-cold, but he could see the fear flowing off him. His hand shakes as he stares at it. He _can’t_ do this.

Buck felt the grip of the Ruger in his hand, eyeing the silencer at the end and the safety. It’s still on, meaning he can’t shoot anything, meaning he has time to plan. He can see the shadow of his boss in the corner, watching over him and the light above the three people he loves most these days. He can do this. _He can_.

Buck lifts his eyes from the gun and to his sister. She has tears in his eyes and Buck swears he can see the beginning of a baby bump on her. _She’s pregnant. And her child will never know their uncle._

He tears his eyes away from the slight baby bump and raises the gun to eye level and aims at Maddie. He can hear her gasp, can see Eddie and Chris both tense next to her. He clicks the safety off. Maddie starts sobbing full-on now, screaming at him to stop. _I can’t!_

Eddie tenses even more and when he shoots a sideways glance at Eddie, he can see the pleading look in his eyes, tears finally making way through the walls built up in those beautiful hazel iris’s. He looks away from Eddie, knowing he’ll break if he keeps watching him.

Buck sighs and places his pointer finger in the trigger, eyes lining up with sights and aims again. Maddie is full blown crying and he can hear the sadistic laugh of his boss. Christopher is also yelling at him now.

Buck pulls the trigger and lets a tear slip, Maddie’s cries going silent while the room goes dark and Christopher cries out in fear. Buck moves quickly, his footsteps light as he goes, untying his pregnant sister and crush-friend-enemy man. He slices the rope and duct tape with a knife as his boss yells out commands.

“Wha-what?” Christopher’s cries were as loud as they could go for a kid his size and they provided enough cover if Buck could keep them quiet. He shushes Maddie.

“Eddie, you know this place, get them out.” He whispers behind him as he releases his ankles. He gets Christopher out of the chair and hands him to Eddie. Their eyes lock for a minute in the dark and Buck can see the gratefulness and regret in them. Even if it’s dark, Buck knows he’s crying. Eddie can see the tears and he hopes he knows that he does love him.

“Go, Eddie, now. While you have time. My Jeep is back there. The keys are in the center console.” Buck hopes he says everything in his eyes because he can’t say any of it right now. Eddie stares for a minute longer and Buck gently taps his bicep with his finger. Eddie nods and rushes out, holding Chris and looping an arm around Maddie. A light flickered on in the warehouse and the energy coming off his boss felt _pissed_.

“You betrayed me!”

Buck looks up, shoulders squaring and eyes set in a defiant glare, “I always was going too.”

“You’re going to pay, boy.” Buck hears the gunshot before he feels anything. Then it’s piercing his gut and he shoves hand over his stomach to stop the blood starting to flow out. He drops to his knees and coughs gently, blood dribbling down his chin. Suddenly he’s numb. Not an unpleasant numbness, but a content one. One where he’s finally satisfied.

He can hear car tires on gravel and coughs again, the heaving makes him collapse backwards onto the hard cement. He can’t feel the blood between his fingers and is tempted to let go of his wound. He coughs again and closes his eyes. He hopes they got out. He hopes Eddie gets the life he wants with Christopher - with him being safe from any threat. He hopes Maddie gets to have her first child.

He’s fading in and out now, the blood loss really among him woozy. He doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching. Before he knows it, a body is next to his and a voice breaks through those waves of numbness and pain;

“Don’t even think of leaving me, Evan Buckley.” Buck blinks his eyes open slowly, his focus being shit currently, and sees Eddie above him. Arms are under his armpits and dragging him away, dripping blood all over the place.

“Eddie,” he coughs again and the man shushes him. He needs Eddie to leave him behind and get back to Christopher before it’s too late. But _he can’t fucking talk_.

“You focus on staying awake, okay? Talk to me when you’re not dying.”

But Buck has to know, he has to know why Eddie didn’t just take Chris and _run_ , “why did you come back?” He’s coughing so hard now. Eddie halts for a moment before continuing to drag Buck across the warehouse and towards the open Jeep. In the headlights, he sees the pure terror and...it’s that - no. It can’t be. But Eddie confirms it, confirms the one thing Buck doesn’t want him too.

“Because I love you, you damn fool.” And that’s the last thing Buck hears before he passes out from blood loss.

——————

The lights are really bright. That’s the first thing he registers in his eyesight...and apparently says so out loud because Eddie’s beautiful face is soon blocking said light above him.

“...Buck? Buck?” Slowly, his hearing comes back and he can hear his soft, but deep and calming voice.

“Eds?” He coughs out and the man smiles softly at him.

“Welcome back, Buck,” Eddie whispers and Buck snorts gently, before groaning in pain because of his stomach. Eddie smiles gently then drops it as he gently rests his hand on Buck’s.

“I’m gonna go get a nurse-“ Eddie stands up but Buck grabs his wrist before he can get too far.

“Eddie, wait-“

“Buck-“

They stare at each other for a moment, just two pairs of eyes meeting. Earthy chocolate meets ocean blue.

“Did...” the words get stuck in Buck’s throat, suddenly realizing how dry it felt. Each breath felt like a chore, a dry puff of desert air. Eddie looks so...conflicted. Like a small child. His brown eyes are wide and staring at Buck, almost asking him to not ask.

“Did you mean it?” They’re whispered, but he knows Eddie heard him. They hold the eye contact, Eddie only briefly breaking it to look down then back up within milliseconds.

Buck knows where he was looking because he was looking too.

_Did he? Does he?...Will he...will he forgive me?_

Something must show in his face because Eddie looks even more conflicted. It takes another minute of staring - how long has it been? At least a couple minutes - before Eddie speaks.

“I do.”

Buck’s world suddenly _stops_. Eddie does? How can he? How could he? Buck doesn’t understand. He doesn’t why he saved him, or why he’s still here. Eddie should be at home with Chris and yet he’s here, telling him he loves the person that murdered his wife.

“Buck...I haven’t-“ Eddie stops before he can continue, eyes dropping to the sheets. Buck wishes he could read the brunettes mind, it would easier. “Buck, I haven’t loved anyone since Shannon.”

Buck’s heart breaks. He had done that. He can’t take that back. He put this man in pain forever. He looks away from Eddie and to his hands that are resting in his lap, almost as pale as the sterile blanket below them.

“Until you purposefully broke your leg and flirted terribly with me on your entryway floor while they were trying to stabilize it.”

Buck’s eyes shot up and looked at Eddie. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears, but there’s a smile on his face, some sort of sad one. Eddie slowly reached out - when had he let go of Eddie’s wrist? - but stopped his hand a couple inches from Buck’s hand.

Buck lifted it a little and Eddie clasped their hands together.

“It might take me a little longer to deal with the whole Shannon situation,” Eddie says, holding Buck’s gaze, “but I’m willing to give ‘us’ a try. I can’t lose you, Evan Buckley.”

Buck can barely register the tears on his cheeks, but he can feel Eddie’s warm, slightly callused thumbs brushing them away.

“ _You sure?_ ” It’s whispered, desperate, _broken_. Buck sees the pain, the love, the regret, the pure adoration in Eddie’s eyes though, and his heart warms up.

“ _I’m sure._ ”

Then Eddie’s kissing him and Buck can’t remember anything else from that night.

~~ _**The End!** _ ~~

_**Three Months Later** _

Buck opened the door to the three bedroom house he currently lives in. The giggles from a small boy reach his ears and Buck places his keys in the dish by the door before dropping his bag at his feet. He shuts the door and moves into the house more.

His phone vibrates in his hand and he looks down. It’s a text from Maddie that linked an article.

_‘Locals Witness Large Car Accident That Killed Multiple, Including Child Trafficker and Murder Aden Neil.’_

Buck’s knees nearly buckle beneath him.

_You’re free._

Eddie comes around the corner then, alerted by the door opening and closing, and sees the state of his boyfriend and reaches out. Buck feels his presence and looks up. He had just returned from a hideout the past three months, afraid of his Boss coming for him while Eddie had been placed under Witness Protection.

And now he was free.

“You’re free now, cariño,” Eddie whispers and Buck starts crying. He hadn’t been since he was fifteen. And now? He had his sister back. He had the love of his life and the most adorable son.

Buck was happy, truly happy.

Eddie smiled and Buck hugged him, tight. When they pulled back, Eddie gently cupped Buck’s cheeks and kissed him softly. Buck kissed back just as softly.

“Dad! Come back!” Christopher shouts from the living room and Buck laughs wetly as Eddie chucks against his lips.

“C’mon, cariño, _our son_ is calling for us,” Eddie whispers and Buck thinks his chest is going to explode.

“Bucky!” Christopher shouts and leaps from the couch. Despite his CP, Christopher moves pretty easily to him on his crutches. Buck still meets him halfway and picks him up, laughing at Christopher's squeal of joy and giggles.

He hugs the boy tight.

“You’re back!” Chris says and Buck smiles, kissing the boys head. It took a lot to get to here. Chris knew Buck was never going to hurt his dad and Aunt Maddie, but he had still been scared of Buck.

But the kid was resilient and damn, did he have a big heart.

“Yeah, I am, buddy, and I’m here to stay,” Buck says before kissing the boys head again. Christopher squeals in happiness and asks - might as well say forces because those damn puppy eyes - him to watch the movie marathon with his dad and him. So, he cuddled Chris between him and Eddie on the couch, covering him in a blanket and setting the popcorn in Christopher’s lap.

By the time they got to the third installment of the movie series, Buck and Chris were both passed out and Eddie stares at them for a bit.

Oddly, he can feel a weight being lifted. Shannon might not like the situation, but she was happy for him, happy he finally moved onto someone who he cares about and cared about him and Christopher.

So, Eddie snuggles up to his boys, kisses both their heads and let’s himself fall asleep. And for once, he doesn’t dream of losing Shannon right in front of his eyes. No, now, he dreams of Buck, of Chris, of their little family growing old together.

And Eddie doesn’t think he wants it any other way.

_**THE END END** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I will see you all in the next fic! Somehow, I feel like there wasn't enough angst on Eddie's part with finding out about Shannon, but maybe there is and I'm just being an angsty teen. :/  
> Anyway! Goodbye, and take care you all!💙💛

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: pipermarieb  
> Come yell at me if you'd like :)  
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated more than you think :,)


End file.
